Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
