You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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