At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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