i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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