Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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