What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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