we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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