and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
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