remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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