I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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