please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
