2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
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