Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
