Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
