I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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