I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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