I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
