Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
