how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
