when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
