Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
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