Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
