....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
