Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
whose parrot is this?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
