Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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