It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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