If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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