your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
