i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Randomize
