Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
