im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
