what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Randomize
