I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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