No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
