You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
