I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize