Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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