I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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