so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
