I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
