They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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