He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
