This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize