How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
