he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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