im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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