if i died would you start the facebook group?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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