I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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