I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
