i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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