that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
