I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
