So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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