Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I can't turn off my feet"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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