4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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