You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize