i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
