Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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