you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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