I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
