fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
