it wasn't lemon gatorade
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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