Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
