I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
