He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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