Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize