Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
