Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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