guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
