she told me i tasted like america
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
