Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize