Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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