Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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