look no pants
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
