God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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