And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We're using joints as your birthday candles
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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