i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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