and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
