We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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