I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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