i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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