mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
