You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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