i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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