seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
