I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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