No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
