All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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