I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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