we have officially lost it.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
