We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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