i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
