my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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