I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
