im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Randomize
