I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
