someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
