never play flip cup with pint glasses
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
