if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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