He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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