Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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